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Here at Healthy Habits, one of our foundational principles is that we are about building long term, sustainable habits to improve overall health and wellbeing, and are NOT into any fad diets or quick-fix weight loss schemes. We view building a healthy lifestyle for yourself as a lifelong journey of trial, error, finding what works, and continually re-evaluating your actions to stay, or get back on track – also known as a practice. Research shows that we are much more likely to sustain results long term with this long-range view. However, in order to stick with it, we’ve got to intentionally work on being kind to ourselves. Unfortunately, we are often incredibly hard on ourselves and berate ourselves intensely for not being where we think we should be in some way. This harsh negative self-talk is usually at its worst when we are comparing ourselves to others and hyper focusing on our perceived shortcomings. We can talk to ourselves in ways we would never talk to anyone, much less someone we care about and want to succeed! I think it’s safe to say that no one would advocate that the best way to help someone change behaviors to live a healthier life would be to shame, belittle and dismiss them the way we can do to ourselves. Sure, you can beat yourself into doing something, and may even see a positive result for a minute, but it is only ever short term, and always feels terrible. As you begin your journey now with Healthy Habits, I’d like to suggest that you take a new, some might say radically different, approach: start with, and learn to cultivate, self-acceptance and self- compassion.

Brene Brown, PhD says in “The Gifts of Imperfection” that “owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do,” but that it is also the key (and for many of us, the missing link) to truly moving forward and achieving the life we want. In fact, her research shows that shame actually “corrodes the part of us that believes we can change and do better makes us more likely to engage in negative behaviors.”  How many times have we noticed something we don’t like about our bodies, associated that with being bad or terrible, and then ended up elbow deep in a bag of cookies? Real and lasting change can only come from a place of genuine self-acceptance. True self-acceptance means not only recognizing and appreciating our positive traits, but also embracing the parts of ourselves that we view as negative or less-desirable, without attaching emotions or judgement to them, or tying them to our self-worth. It is from here that we can make an intentional plan for the things we want to change. This kind of self-acceptance can be quite freeing as we realize that our challenges and flaws do not define us, but it can also be difficult as it requires that we acknowledge and learn to be with all of our bits – and practice self-compassion. Kristin Neff, PhD explains self-compassion as having three key elements we need to apply anytime we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate. These elements include being warm and understanding towards ourselves instead of judging and criticizing, acknowledging our common humanity in that we are all “mortal, vulnerable and imperfect,” and being mindful of taking a balanced approach to our negative emotions so we don’t deny or ignore our feelings, or become so overly identified with them that we get swept up in reactivity.  

As you can see, self-acceptance and self-compassion, while they may sound simple, are skills that require both awareness and practice. It is worth the effort though, as this is really the only way to forge a path forward towards the change you want. While this challenges us to stretch and grow, it is also much more enjoyable than our old habits of trying to shame ourselves into action!  The good news is that to start, all you have to do is begin to raise your awareness of your internal monologue. Start to notice what you say and how you sound, and begin to shift the conversation towards the tactics offered here. Think consciously about your strengths, and your challenges, and practice not judging them, but just letting them be as is. When you do experience negative emotions practice identifying and acknowledging them, and then applying the tactics of self-compassion. The more you work on raising your awareness and practicing the skills, the easier it gets – and you will feel the difference! Many of the people who have gone through Healthy Habits tell us that they tried many things before this to try to achieve their health goals, and I’m guessing that this isn’t your first rodeo either. I so hope that this shift in thinking is the beginning of a new path for you. Take yourself by the proverbial hand and say “I’m not here to scold or judge you anymore. I’m here to support you, I accept everything about you and I’ve got your back.” Welcome to Healthy Habits, let’s get started.